what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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