I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
