I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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