He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My liver just had a heart attack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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