M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
