brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
