That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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