I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
