what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
