I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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