The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
