There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
whose parrot is this?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
