Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
