TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pants are for mortals
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
