great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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