Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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