Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
