You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
