Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
