i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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