like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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