in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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