I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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