Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
