last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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