Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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