we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
