i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
