i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
