if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
