walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
