i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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