whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
