i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
