Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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