Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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