I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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