May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
