Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
