God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
