How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize