Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my being single is dangerous.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
