I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
