I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
