So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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