I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
