So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
