it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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