I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize