Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize