how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
3pm strippers are depressing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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