Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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