You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
