My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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