Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
