I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize