no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Panties = found
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
