Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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