i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
