My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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