The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
