lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
