Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
