Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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