You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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