508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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