My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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