It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
