You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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