This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
accomplished twins. life is a go
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
