Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
